This past year has been one of tremendous personal growth for me. I've learned how the patterns and habits I've created either serve or don't serve me. One of the biggest lessons in all of this has been forgiveness.
First and foremost, I've had to learn to forgive myself. This was probably the most challenging. I am pretty good at being my own worst critic. I've let myself down a lot. I've made bad choices. It was easier to be mean and heartless than to be loving and forgiving. It took me a LONG time to reach a place in my heart where I could even believe I was worthy of forgiveness.
Then, I started to forgive others - like family and friends. It was so much easier to forgive my loved ones than it was myself. Life isn't ever perfect and really, we are all trying our hardest. I know that these people would never intentionally hurt me, and that if they did it was likely a reflection of their own suffering.
Recently though, I've been presented with the obstacle of forgiving someone who really hurt me. I was raped several years ago by someone I considered to be my best friend. I wanted to hate this person for the rest of my life. I wanted bad things to happen to this person. I wanted them to be just as miserable as they had made me. I NEVER wanted to forgive this person. I did not feel that they were worthy of my forgiveness.
BUT now that person isn't in a good place. I don't know all the details nor do I care to know. It doesn't matter. What I do know is that when I found out about the situation, something was triggered inside me.
It felt like a punch to the gut. I wanted to ignore what I felt but I couldn't. I knew in my heart that it was time to let go of this pain I've been carrying. I knew that this wasn't so much about the other person but rather was about me. I needed to forgive.
I want to clarify that have no intentions of reaching out to this person. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean physically confronting the person who harmed you. For me, in my healing, forgiveness is me letting go of the resentment and attachment to the situation.
I don't want to talk to this person. I don't want to see this person. But I do want to forgive them.
Forgiveness is healing. Forgiveness allows us to no longer be bound to suffering. It's an opportunity to let things go. It's an chance to transform pain into love. It is, in my opinion, one of the greatest powers we as humans possess. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do.
I hope you can find it within your heart to forgive everyone who has hurt you because you are worthy.
"forgive them father,
With a newfound passion for life and a deep interest in the connection between science and art, this is where ideas develop and blossom and are shared with you, my friends. Thanks for stopping by and joining me on this journey.