There's so much, and at the same time so little, to say when we experience loss. This year I said goodbye (at least in the human form) to one of the most influential people in my life. Losing my grandmother took me on a journey I did not expect to experience in this season of my life.
But in the most painfully positive way, it also couldn't have happened at a better time. I've witnessed myself step into a better version of myself as I've faced adversity and heartbreak this year. In some way, this loss was my saving grace that allowed me to truly focus on healing.
In my eyes, my grandmother (whom I called "Mamaw") was one of the most graceful, faithful, and creative people I knew. She was also one of my best friends growing up. I spent countless weekends over at her house doing everything from the extraordinary to ordinary. More important than anything we did together though, were the lessons I learned from watching her be herself. I was lucky to have always had her in my life, even into her last days, and for the wisdom she shared along the way.
One thing we shared in common, though we never openly spoke about, was a sadness that pervaded our lives in a way that disrupts our ability to function normally (or better known as clinical depression.) Just being around each other was healing for both of us. I was lucky enough to provide energy work (reiki) to her on several occasions. She loved it, it helped her relax and fall asleep, and she lovingly referred to it as "that yoga thing!"
It may not have been much but I am thankful to have been able to help her in some form. This was something that became really important for me. I used to push aside practices that would help me relax and feel better. I did this for a variety of reasons but the root one always being: feeling undeserving of taking time for myself. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture (you can't always cure cancer) but you can do little things to make it better (like that yoga thing). I may not have every answer that I think I need, but I do have tools that can make things better for me.
Tools like expressing myself creatively, singing confidently, doing things I enjoy, loving and appreciating my body, and engaging in an active relationship with the divine. Waves of memories have come flooding back in over the last months, and have served as little reminders of each these. I see the subtle ways in which she was always showing me these things. And with my own experiences, now have the wisdom to implement these teachings to live my life in a way that brings me the most happiness, peace, and love.
As I step into a new chapter in my life I feel humble, excited and thankful.
I am so sorry to send you this, but I am going to have to go ahead and cancel most of my classes for the rest of the month.
I hope that you are able to understand. I wanted to continue all of my classes this month, but time is ticking for me to get moved out from where I am by the end of September. And unfortunately the house I'm moving to is no where near ready. Between being sick, dealing with a family member in the hospital, and having to deal with some flooding issues from the storm I'm way behind.
I will still be teaching the following classes :
If you had purchased a monthly membership and only made it to a few classes, please contact me so I can get you a refund. I will try and reach out to all of you as well.
I can't express in words how truly grateful I am for each and every one of you - whether you've been in classes last week or last year. You all have played such a wonderful role in my life, and it's challenging for me to step away from that. I am thankful for the lessons that you all continually teach me, and for reminding me that it's ok to take time to care for myself.
For those of you who may not be signed up for my newsletters, I'd like to update you with the news I shared this past weekend.
I'm moving... and with this I will not be able to continue many of my weekly classes.
It breaks my heart because I truly have fallen in love with all of you. Your support and light have carried me in some of my most challenging and darkest days. I've However, I am also really excited and happy for this new chapter in my life! I know that really great things are on the horizon, and I can't wait to see what the future unveils.
For those wondering what I'll be doing and where I'm going- I'm moving a little past the town of Denton, so I'll be about an hour away from High Point.
I plan to still travel occasionally and offer workshops. I'm excited to devote time to projects I've been putting off for a while, like developing my website with online video content, diving back into art, and starting up monthly groups (like reading groups and moon circles). My *long term goal* is to create a retreat space/ teaching center where I am living at.
Below I will share my September schedule (you'll still find me teaching quite a bit) but going into October I will only be teaching once a week (on Tuesdays... I'll share that info soon!)
Thanks for reading this and always showing me support! I love you xoxo
With a newfound passion for life and a deep interest in the connection between science and art, this is where ideas develop and blossom and are shared with you, my friends. Thanks for stopping by and joining me on this journey.